Social Interactions for Introverts

Am I an introvert? Am I also an extrovert? If you ask me, I would say I lean more towards being an introvert. However, if you were to ask many people who know me in person, they might describe me as more of an extrovert. This perception arises because I often come across as an easy talker. While I may seem extroverted, I actually put considerable effort into my social interactions.

Before discussing introversion, which is a personality trait related to how individuals process energy, it's important to differentiate between introversion and shyness. By making this distinction, it will be easier for you to identify which category you may belong to. However, it's worth noting that for many people, deciding between the two is not always straightforward.

Introversion is a personality type; shyness is more like a social anxiety or discomfort, and it relates to fear or nervousness in social situations.

I don't want to reinvent the wheel and I found a very good definition on illustrating the differences between introversion and shyness as Susan Cain described it here:

But if shyness and introversion are so different, why do we often link them, especially in the popular media?

The most important answer is that there’s a shared bias in our society against both traits. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert—the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated—but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same, and neither type is welcome. Studies show that we rank fast and frequent talkers as more competent, likable, and even smarter than slow ones.

In 2024, I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I realized that meeting and talking to people helps build a strong network, make friends, hear new stories, open up new opportunities.

In this post, I will explain why I chose to step out of my comfort zone regarding socializing and the specific steps I implemented.

The first thing I did was start attending various events by myself. Participating alone in conferences, tech events, meetups, and social gatherings helped me step out of my comfort zone. It forced me to develop a strategy. Depending on my mood that day, I might decide to meet a lot of people or take a more observant approach, choosing only a few individuals to engage with. There’s always a plan! A significant lesson I learned is to avoid judging myself or feeling guilty if, at an event, I choose to interact with only one or two people, or if I decide not to engage at all.

When I attend an event alone, I prefer to arrive early while the crowds are smaller. This allows me to choose where to stay comfortably. I usually opt for spots on the sidelines, as this gives my introverted mind an easy way to take a break if needed.

Participating in in-person tech events is much easier for me when I meet there someone I know, as we already have a common topic to discuss. However, most of the time, I find myself alone, so I prepare conversation starters beforehand to help initiate discussions with others. I often use the event topics as conversational anchors, allowing me to build the conversation from there. Another technique I use is to listen more than I speak. This is especially beneficial for an introvert like me, as it provides a moment of peace where I don’t have to drive the conversation. Instead, I focus on asking the right questions, which encourages the other person to share their stories. Yes, I am a good listener, so people enjoy sharing their stories with me :)

Another thing that gets me out of my comfort zone during an event, socially speaking, is joining hands-on workshops. This activity usually offers more natural conversation starters, and we all focus on work, reducing social pressure.

One important lesson I've learned is to read the audience. During major tech events, large groups of colleagues often attend, but they aren't my target audience since interacting with bigger groups who already have something in common can be challenging. Instead, I focus on identifying fellow solo attendees and initiating conversations with them.

A key achievement was meeting many people with interesting backgrounds and stories. I developed friendships with some of them.

As you can see, there's nothing revolutionary in what I do, but these steps have been effective for me. I'm not cured or magically transformed into an extrovert overnight; I don’t believe that’s possible. I am comfortable with who I am. Most importantly, I have reduced my social anxiety, which became more pronounced after the pandemic.

I hope you find my suggestions helpful and that they make your journey as an introvert a little easier and more enjoyable!