When Your Manager Asks the Right Question: A Journey to Self-Awareness
Today, my daughter turns 5, so I think it is a good moment for me to take a new leap on my blog and start tackling an important topic: mental health.
Over the past few years, I have interacted and spoken with thousands of people who were at a stage in their professional lives where they didn't know what to do next. They were struggling to see the natural path for their careers and feeling stuck, and many of them had adopted someone else's dreams and goals, forgetting about their own. These people were at different points in their careers, from juniors to experienced individuals in their fields to those who wanted to switch jobs or careers.
If you have ever felt this way, my story is for you. Doubt and uncertainty can arise at any time in your career. But there's one thing I want you to take away after reading this blog post - you are more capable than you think, and you should always trust your gut. Listen to your whole being, not just those sneaky thoughts that appear when you are sad or disappointed.
One year ago, my former manager asked me, "Mihaela, do you like what you do?". I was a middle manager, leading two teams delivering software products and involved in everything what software quality meant within the company. This question usually prompts you to give the most politically correct answer possible. Without hesitation, I replied, "Yes, of course I like what I do." "What kind of question is this?" I continued, but only in my mind. But then my manager pressed further, asking, "What exactly do you like about your job?". And I froze. I found myself unable to articulate a meaningful response, to sound professionally, mature or smart. Instead of feeling content and happy to express everything that drives me, I felt ashamed for only being able to say, "I don't know." My manager felt the moment and emphasised the importance of considering this aspect of my job, and I suddenly realized that I had entered into a difficult conversation. Or a slippery slope.
When we had this conversation, it was on a Friday evening after a week that felt like a month for me. It was full of emotionally draining conversations and meetings at work. We were on a bus heading to a team-building event, and I had already had half a glass of prosecco, enough for me to start feeling dizzy. I soon realized that I might say something I would regret later, so I told my manager that I would like us to continue this conversation on another day and in a different context. The prosecco bubbles did not instill joy in me but made me want to cry, because I knew this question will trigger a lot of self reflection.
After our initial bus discussion, it took me a couple of months to answer my manager's question and say, "Yes, I like what I do. But not here." Our paths split soon after this. If I had acknowledged my desire to move elsewhere when it first came to mind, things might have been different. Instead, everything fell into the wrong pieces, and doubts crept in.
After our second discussion, a couple of agonizing months followed in my head, and the questions "Do you like what you do? Do you feel that the IT industry is the right place for you? Do you think that this is the right role for you?" haunted me. I had never felt so distressed in my sixteen years of career. I felt like I knew nothing about my professional self, as if I was broken into pieces and unable to combine them to create a new picture.
To recollect all the pieces and reconstruct the picture, I started to look on the inside. I asked myself:
"Who am I?"
"Which are my strengths?"
"What kept me in this industry for almost two decades now?"
"What drives me?"
"What motivates me?"
"What am I good at?"
"What can I offer?"
Only after getting clear answers to these questions did I realize how silly I was for letting someone's question who was intended to help me, control my narrative in the wrong way. And be aware of the ease of how I wrote all these on paper. It took me weeks and months to get the answers to all these.
I know this might sound cheesy and Hollywood-like, but it's important to remember that your personality, strengths, motivation, and what you can offer are all part of what makes you unique. Your first step is to decide what you want to do with all these and then start taking small steps to accomplish your dreams. It won't happen overnight, and it won't happen by yourself. Open the door for the right people who can help expand your wings and horizons.
My takeaway for you. One thing is for sure - we are going to face challenging and unexpected situations through our entire life. And that fine, it's almost beautiful to happen in this way. Because every such period, with a big dose of self awareness and self compassion, has the capacity to give birth to a new us. It is a work in progress for many of us :)
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone or just get a second opinion on a situation, feel free to contact me!🫶
Hugs, M.